Nigerian men, like all men, are a universe of individual characteristics. However, their identity is uniquely and powerfully clinched to the culture and traditions of their homeland—traditions that can be both a source of strength and a heavy burden.
At the center of this identity is a clear expectation: the average Nigerian man is to be the undisputed head of his family, its primary provider, and its ultimate authority. But what lies beneath this monolithic role? Here are some truths—some admirable, some beautiful, and some heartbreaking—about the pressures and realities shaping Nigerian men.
The Pillar of the Family: Hard Work and Pride
In Nigeria, a man’s worth is often measured by his ability to provide. There is an immense societal pressure on him to be at the top of his game, handling his responsibilities without fail. This means paying every bill, funding the family’s needs, and often being the sole breadwinner. Society doesn't just encourage them; it requires them to work relentlessly to meet these demands.
This pressure fosters a deep-seated pride. It’s a pride that comes from understanding their role, from standing on the pedestal the community has built for them. When channeled positively, this self-awareness creates a confident, assertive man. It’s no secret that Nigerian men are often blessed with good looks, and they carry themselves with a flair that is appreciated both at home and abroad.
However, if left unchecked, this pride can curdle into a dangerous narcissism. This is where we see the "head of the household" role used to justify a rejection of partnership. You will rarely find a Nigerian man engaging in house chores, as many are raised to believe it is exclusively a "woman's job" and therefore humiliating to them. This same pride can make them fiercely competitive, sometimes even with their own wives, going to great lengths to ensure she never gets ahead.
The Generosity of the Nigerian Man: "Odogwu" Spending Power
Here's another truth that paints a more complete picture: After working relentlessly and making money, an average Nigerian man often has no issue spending his hard-earned cash. Their generosity manifests in various ways. Some prioritize their immediate family, spending to ensure their household's well-being and stability as a dedicated family man. Others focus on their extended family—parents and siblings—demonstrating a deep sense of responsibility and care for their wider lineage. And, of course, many Nigerian men are also willing to spend generously on the woman or women in their lives.
This willingness to provide, to spend not just the bare necessities but often much more, is a significant part of their identity. Perhaps this is precisely why a good majority of women from other countries "pray to get them a Nigerian Odogwu"—a term meaning "great man" or "champion" in Igbo. It perfectly encapsulates the image of a Nigerian man who is not only strong and capable but also a provider who isn't afraid to open his wallet for those he cares about.
The Influence of Family: A Blessing and a Curse
Family is the central decision-maker in a Nigerian man's life. While respecting one's parents is a virtue, the toxicity and pressure that this reality can bring is undeniable.
Very few Nigerian men have the capacity to prioritize their own desires and communicate them effectively against the will of their parents. Don't be surprised if a promising relationship suddenly ends with the explanation, "My parents don't like you." While it might sound like an excuse, for many Nigerian men, this is a perfectly valid reason to end it all.
This influence extends deep into marriage. Some families go as far as asking their sons to divorce a wife, discipline her with violence, or marry a second wife. It’s why I cringe when I hear a family refer to their son's wife as "our wife." Hold on, how many people is she married to? In my books, a marriage is between a man and a woman, not a woman and her husband's entire lineage. This is why some women feel they've won the lottery just by being accepted by his family.
The Double Standard: Infidelity and Violence
This leads us to the most painful aspects of this conversation. Infidelity, for many Nigerian men, is treated less like a transgression and more like a tradition. There is often little shame or remorse attached to the act of cheating. It is not uncommon for the wife to know about the "side-chick" (concubine). In the worst-case scenario, a man might even marry his concubine, leading to polygamous family structures.
Now, imagine if a woman were caught in the same scenario. The consequences would be devastating. Yet, it feels as though some Nigerian men cheat with pride. Is their conscience in place? I don't know, but I suspect this deep-seated insecurity is why they often feel the need to stalk and control their wives, girlfriends, and even daughters.
When control fails, violence often follows. This is a global struggle, but it has a specific, painful face in Nigeria. A disturbing number of men unleash their "boxing talents" on the so-called weaker vessels: their wives and children. It is heartbreaking to speak of, made worse by a society that often pays little attention to this epidemic, contributing to a high rate of domestic abuse. My deepest prayer is that Nigeria will one day become a nation where victims of abuse are helped and healed, not shamed into silence.
Escape and Expectation: Nightlife and Respect
With such immense pressure, it’s perhaps no wonder that for many Nigerian men, the evening is a time for escape. After a long day’s work, bars across the country fill to the brim with men downloading bottles of alcohol, often touring multiple venues in a single night. Having worked as a bartender, I can attest to this from firsthand experience. This is their time to unwind, but it is also where they are vulnerable to exploitation.
Through all of this—the pressure, the pride, the family dynamics—one demand remains constant: a Nigerian man must have his respect. It is treated not as something to be earned, but as a birthright. He can start a serious conflict over feeling disrespected. While a healthy need for respect is universal, when it becomes an inflexible demand, it is simply another tool of control, wielded to maintain a fragile authority.
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